Death is something that I have thinking about for the better part of a year now. A cousin of mine died at the end of July 2009 and attending her funeral really had a strong effect on me. To be honest, the funeral was not as difficult as the wake. Wakes are just plain awful! Not to mention the fact that her wake was held at the same funeral home where my father's wake was held 14 years prior and this brought up some of the same emotions that I experienced during that time.
The wake, the pre-funeral gathering where the body is displayed in an open coffin is a practice that I am still not sure that I really understand. Perhaps the wake is an antiquated ritual whose time has passed. I not really convinced that there is anything beneficial about displaying the lifeless body of the deceased for all of the mourners to see? So far, the only thing that I have gathered from attending wakes is that I don’t believe it having a wake. Doesn’t this tradition simply prolong the agony and grief instead of easing it? I will never, ever be comfortable around the body of the dead. I suppose that this is childish and definitely not politically correct to say but all that I have ever felt at a wake is scared, freaked out and just generally uncomfortable. It does not ease my pain to be in the presence of the physical likeness of the dead while I am trying to cope with their loss. Does that make me a terrible person?
Kate,
ReplyDeleteI completely relate to you on this subject as well. :) Every time I have ever had to gaze upon a lifeless body it was not comforting experience....at all! It stirred a feeling of lost in the "unknown" that I cant explain and frankly dont like feeling the awkwardness of "not knowing". Looking at the person, knowing their spirit is nolonger there... the glimmer in their eyes just gone, the rise and fall of their chest now still... lifeless. How could something so miraculous (a life/living)...something so normal, just disappear? That is beyond my understanding, there for I can not comprehend the possiblity. The energy... the life has to be transfered but where. The energy from the body goes into the earth, then the plants and then to the animals and then to humans BUT What about that miraculous spirit that each of us hold? Not a chance that is could dissolve into dirt... something that beautiful... no not a chance. So where do the spirits go? Which brings also stirs an entire new level of...uncomfortableness. What was the journey to the next destination like? What would that feel like when it is my turn? Though my beliefs are firm that their is an after life but I still question on what type of after life that may consist of (heaven hell reincarnation)... but because I am slightly obessive ;) I still question ALL the possibilities so then I brush across the impossibilities as well, "what if there isnt an after life". Now in turn that open up a new can of worms... what if there was anything...nothing? What would nothing look like... no dark no light no translucent... none exisitance... what does even that look like? My cousin died when I was very young. Perhaps I didnt cope with it the way I should have but when these thoughts stirred the anxiety WAS crippling... all over not knowing. In many respects ignorance is bliss but when you are left with the imagination leading you down the dark hallways of the unknown, thats always a scary place. This actually reminds me a little of what Kevin touch on in his last post.
I hope my comment wasnt inappropriate? I just agree with you that there are a lot of "gritty" details in dealing with the concept and fears of death that many (myself included) try to avoid, which is well earned but perhaps embracing the unknown by talking your way through these dark hallways of the unknown is the comforts that one would need... just rambling now. Very thought provoking post! Thanks for sharing! ;)
O and I am not sure if you have read my blog yet but at the top of my page there is a poetry and lyric (under construction) section... Heavens Rose is exactly about how I started weaving in and out of the emotions and questions of life and death when my cousin died.
Thank you very much for your feedback Leigh, I really appreciate it. And to answer your question, no your comment was not at all inappropriate. I have wondered all of these things myself. (Haven't we all?) Because I have so many thoughts on the subject and I was intending to do a follow up to this blog I will just do that as I attempt to respond to the bulk of your comment. (I hope that is okay?)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for the loss of your cousin (though I know that it was a long time ago) that must have been very hard on you. As adults we are simply expected to handle these things and yet children are always shielded from death. Perhaps we should not protect children from the reality of death and then we would (maybe) be a little bit more prepared for it when the time comes to say goodbye to a loved one? (I of course realize that we are never going to be completely prepared for the experience, but perhaps we not be so blindsided by it?)